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16 June 2006 @ 11:23 pm
Hi All,

First time here and i think this community is so apt! Can i just start the ball rolling by asking what you address your mother/father-in-law by?

I'm from HK, and the hubby's family is also cantonese. Somehow they must've watched too much period hk drama serials. They expect me to call the MIL "Lai Lai" and FIL "Lou Yeh"... ?!?!??

I was expecting to simply follow what the other half calls his/her parents! Just can't stand the fact that it's old fashioned! What's wrong with mom and dad?
Lolita, Go Homelolitapop on June 17th, 2006 12:50 am (UTC)
Loh Yeh sounds like it's from cantonese drama serials a long time ago!!
I feel super uncomfortable calling them Mum and Dad. :/ The husband is doing fine with mine but I try to get off the hook by not calling. I'd just say HI or Bye! without addressing it to them.

I know it's so rude but I just can't.say.it. Anyone else with this problem? :/
Tracytrashie_mak on June 17th, 2006 01:16 am (UTC)
yeah precisely! I feel like i belong here:

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

*roll eyes* sigh... but then they've sort of insisted on it. It's funny when they tried to convince me and got some aunty involved to add credibility - "yeah that's what cantonese normally address their in-laws" ... Hello~ I'm cantonese too, and NO ONE in my extended family in HK uses that anymore, not even the grandparents!

I can understand your discomfort too... heh... but then they're bound to notice after a while! However, you can try to address them "mom" and "dad" indirectly in their presence. Like when you're talking to your hubby about them... that ought to buy you more time :P
Lolita, Go Homelolitapop on June 17th, 2006 01:22 am (UTC)
That picture cracked me up man! Maybe you should get your FIL the Long Pao for father's day!! Thanks for your advice- I should try right? Gah.
Tracytrashie_mak on June 17th, 2006 01:36 am (UTC)
hahha... perhaps i should! And kneel down to pour them tea every morning... @#$%^

actually they are a nice bunch, so this is a really small thing i suppose... i just hope they don't call me "Gar Soh"! OMG...

Yes, give it a try! heheh... all the best! :P
Amandamadmoneymonkey on June 17th, 2006 01:16 am (UTC)
Yes, me! I haven't had to call them because we aren't married yet but I can imagine it'll feel so super weird to change from auntie/uncle to mum/dad! I even feel a little like I'm betraying my own parents by sharing their name! :\
Lolita, Go Homelolitapop on June 17th, 2006 01:23 am (UTC)
Exactly! And for a while, when my husband was calling my mom 'Mom', I'd go "SHE'S MY MOM!!!!!!!!!!"

It's just weird. They're NOT my parents what right. I wish we could call them by name but that would mean an express train to hell.
Amandamadmoneymonkey on June 17th, 2006 09:14 am (UTC)
Cannot call by name for sure! Heh. Guess it just takes a little getting used to!
Lolita, Go Homelolitapop on June 17th, 2006 09:19 am (UTC)
Usually I'd go Hi Mo..heylookwhatisthatnewthingyou'rewearing?
Amandamadmoneymonkey on June 17th, 2006 09:32 am (UTC)
Hahaha! That's hilarious! How long have you been married?
Lolita, Go Homelolitapop on June 17th, 2006 09:50 am (UTC)
For a grand total of 1 month, 16 days. HEH.
Amandamadmoneymonkey on June 17th, 2006 09:59 am (UTC)
Ah I see! So you've got a long time more to get used to it then!
Read the next post about the pinching. That's just unacceptable man!! You must be really good-natured to take it.
Lolita, Go Homelolitapop on June 17th, 2006 10:03 am (UTC)
Then how?! Although inside I wish I could pinch her back..!
lilsnoozelilsnooze on June 17th, 2006 05:26 am (UTC)
I was fine calling my in-laws "mum" and "dad" since i call my parents more affectionately with "meeee" and " paaaaa" or "lou dao"(in canto).

my hubby calls my parents "mother" and "father", since he calls his mum and dad. which helps since we call them each differently so it doesnt seem like "betraying them by sharing their names".

It was a tad awkward just after the wedding...but i guess "practise makes perfect".

trashie_mak :: My mum told me to serve them tea the FIRST morning after the wedding. My parents in law went - huh?no need lah!
Apparently that's a canotnese tradition. And my mum does refer to my in-laws as "lo ye" and "lai-lai" or was it "kar po"? Heh.
Tracytrashie_mak on June 18th, 2006 01:40 am (UTC)
hehehe... yes i'd serve them tea on the first morning too... i was exaggerating about it being everyday...

As for how to address the in-laws in first person (the formal titles):

from the bride:
to MIL - Lai Lai
to FIL - Lou Yeh

from MIL/FIL:
to the bride - Gar Soh

from bride's mom/dad:
to bride's MIL - Chen Gar (Chen4 Jia1 in mandarin) Lai Lai
to bride's FIL - Chen Gar Loh Yeh

However, Kar Por is also used when addressing the MIL in third person....

heheh... gets quite confusing after a while! But overtime things have changed and gotten less formal such that like most of us here brides tend to address their in laws in first person using different versions of "mom" and "dad" instead. When referring to them in third person, "lai lai" and "lou yeh" is still commonly used out of respect for them.

:( so that's why i'm a little uneasy having to be so formal with them. But if they prefer that, then no choice lor...
Little Miss Sunshine.tiffanyx on June 17th, 2006 04:59 pm (UTC)
i call the boyfriend's parents "mummy" and "daddy" whenever we are talking about his parents.

while mine's "maaaa" (the affectionate tone) and "papapa"

so technically, i follow how he calls his and he follows mine.

we did try to have "ma" and "pa" before. then when we start talking, he would ask me "which ma? yours or mine???". hence the above "solution" thingy. :p
Tracytrashie_mak on June 18th, 2006 01:43 am (UTC)
yeah i wish i could do that too... more intimate :P
debbstar*debbstar on June 18th, 2006 01:21 pm (UTC)
oh dear
i haven't really thought about this!
but i guess we might end up calling what we call our parents know?
i call my parents 'mom and dad' (sometimes ma but no pa)
and he calls his parents 'mama and papa'
so that might be a little easier!
Tracytrashie_mak on June 18th, 2006 03:42 pm (UTC)
that's what i proposed too! But i had the formalities thrown back in my face... What to do, future sis-in-law (hubby's elder brother's wife) spoiled the market by addressing them that~~
mielousemielouse on November 25th, 2009 07:17 pm (UTC)
I never thought about it, but I will be marrying my fiance soon. I don't think I'll ever call the in-laws mom & dad, because they're not my parents, end of story. I call them by their names, and when I refer to them to my fiance I either say 'your mom' or 'your dad'. I don't think they're the type of people to ever ask me in the future to call them by 'mom' or 'dad', but if they did, I would respectively say that I don't feel comfortable doing that.